Recovery Jenny

I am not jenny, but I am dying to be. You wanna know why? Jenny can actually BE a TEENAGER. Jenny can be present in her life. Jenny can eat what her body wants and be okay with that. Jenny can wear a bikini and feel confident.

I dream to be Jenny and hopefully one day... I will be. I want to be able to spontaneously go out with a friend for ice cream, or share popcorn with my boyfriend at the movies. I want to get dessert on my birthday and actually eat it!

I want to listen to what my body wants and be okay with that, instead of ignoring it. I want to become one with my body, like Jenny is with hers. I want to eat what I am in the mood for.

Jenny is always social. I want to be social. I am tired ( pun intended) of isolating and having to stay home because I don’t have enough energy to go out. I don’t want invites that involve food to be turned down anymore. I want to have the energy to do what I want, go where I want and be with who I want. I want to live. I want to get close to people. I’m sick of having to run home to sleep because I am so weak and tired. Jenny told me, she used to miss out on so much, but not anymore.

I want to be present at my graduation. I want to experience college. I don’t want to be held back anymore. I want to have children, get married, be a therapist.

I want to be able to focus. I want to be able to stay warm without wearing ten layers of clothing. I want to have long beautiful hair – like Jenny. I want nice teeth and nice nails. I want to dance and party and travel. Jenny has been all over the world … boy, am I jealous! I want to be okay with my body. No, I want to love my body – inside and out.

Enough about me. I want to be like Jenny! Jenny finally loves herself. It took a while, but she does. Jenny eats what she wants and goes where she wants. Jenny is the decision maker in her life. Jenny feels in control of her life for the right reasons. Jenny has positive coping skills. She loves nature, writing, animals, traveling etc. Jenny can exercise and stop when she wants to. Jenny even wears whatever she wants and doesn’t depend on the size to make her feel “ okay.” Jenny no longer weighs herself… she doesn’t have to. She knows that she is healthy and okay. Jenny lives in the moment. She doesn’t look to her past and she doesn’t look to her future. She knows that the past is done with and the future is unknown.

Jenny does well in school. She has the energy to stay up at night studying or stay after school for extra help. Jenny even allows herself a midnight snack if she gets hungry while studying. Jenny gets great grades and gets involved in her classes.

Jenny actually sees and feels nature when she takes a walk. She isn’t thinking how many calories she is burning or how fast she can go. Nope. She is present. She breathes in the fresh air, smells the flowers, waves to her neighbors. She watches the bee’s buzz, the birds fly and the clouds move.

Well, I am not Jenny, but I hope to be. I am on my way to becoming Jenny and I cant wait! Jenny told me that I will be okay, just like her. She told me that I can be happy. She told me to live my life and that weight and numbers are not the most important thing in ones life. She told me, “ food is not the enemy.” Jenny gave me great advice. “Listen to your body and youll be okay.” Relax, breath and have faith, are words of advice she also gave me. “Never forget… happiness comes from within,” Jenny smiled. Jenny is happy, and guess what? One day, I will be too.